Pushing To Pull

“Pushing yourself to full capacity is only possible when you see true potential in you”

The famous words “you won’t amount to anything,” and “you can’t do it” are words that I believe are very familiar with many of us. Most of us have had the unpleasant encounter of hearing it from someone else saying it to us and in other cases we actually say these things to ourselves. I’m not gonna blame people who said it to you, I’m going to blame you for believing it and actually taking the time to apply it in your mind.

This takes me back to when I was 16 years old, at a family function. I am black so there are lot of superstitions that follow suit with the authenticity of who I am and where I come from. This is not to say any other race isn’t superstitious, I am just trying to emphasise the structure of my culture. Anyway, at 16 sometimes you need adults to delegate you on which responsibilities to assume since you are now coming of age and you can help here and there when there are family functions. Naively I was playing with the other kids, never noticing that most of my cousins who were my age group weren’t playing with us anymore, they were now for some strange reason, chopping vegetables, washing dishes and so forth. While I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on, one of my aunts come out from nowhere, yelling at me. Now, I could take being yelled at but it was the words that affected me, she said to me “While all the other kids your age do something useful, you choose to be rebellious and play around. You’re not gonna amount to anything when you don’t work for this type of family function. Nothing in your life will ever work out, you will try and try to succeed but there will always be a blockage.”

Yep, I know. How did it all come crashing down so quickly? Its just a family function, right? Surely she could have just asked courteously if I could stop messing around and start doing something useful like all the other kids. At the time I didn’t want to think about what was said to me, I didn’t want to think about how embarrassed I was feeling because everyone was now staring at me, so I took a carrot and started peeling. Couple years down the line, I left highschool and tried getting into university, for some odd reason it just never worked out even though I qualified to get in. I then focused on finding work so I could save up some money for university and start afresh but that too didn’t work out. I went through the same pattern over and over again, nothing ever evolved. I never amounted to anything and I tried to do many things to improve my life but like my aunt had said a couple years before there was always a blockage.

Now I’m not going to say my aunt was not wrong, in many ways she was but my biggest fault, and that surpasses all the stuff she said, was actually believing her and applying all that toxicity in my mind. She dug me a hole, gave me the shovel, I continued digging it and actually threw myself in a ditch. I always did things to advance my lifestyle, my status and so forth but they never worked because my state of mind was poor. I did things not even believing in myself and my capabilities and that was my biggest blockage. Yes, we have heard people tell us so many times that if we change our mindset, then we will attract positive energy. How can we have the one answer to so many questions yet we are just not doing a single effort in actually working around the solution?

I believe I can tell you why, we just don’t want to conclude that the answer is that simple. All we know is that life is a series of complications and can never ever be that easy. The truth is, the theory is easy but to practice positive mindset after having known only how to be negative can be labyrinthine, however, some complexities are worthy. We hardly realise that our minds need “spring cleaning” like we do with our houses- and even with our houses, we don’t wait till spring day or whenever you’d choose to do your spring cleaning to actually get the dust off. For example, I clean every other day, but how did I miss the fact that I need to do the same to my mindset? Honestly, I just never wanted to accept that I’m overlooking the solution to many of my problems, so instead I went searching for solutions in places that have abosolutely nothing to do with me.

All I’m saying is, I am not where I want to be in my life right now but I can confidently say I know where I am going, I do believe I’m going to reach the goals I’ve set for myself and that’s mainly because I’ve come to the realisation that the world is not out to get me, the earth is not some big enemy out to see me fall and making it impossible for me to pick myself up, the universe is only doing what I ask, not what i ask for verbally but what I ask for with my inner voice and it then works to connect with what I ask internally, giving me exactly what I solicit for. In other words, the universe will always make sure its in the same frequency as you. Its there to serve you. So whether you’re destroying yourself or building yourself, it helps you out.

Whatever you push out with your mind, you pull back through the universe and that becomes your circumstance.

Feel free to share your stories with me about how you helped someone dig a grave for you and willingly jumped inside and buried yourself in it. If you still are in that hole feel free to say something and if you once were in it and managed to get out, do share how you did it!





My Intention

Hi there

Well, isn’t that an awkward way to start a blog, you’d swear I was writing an important email to someone whom I supposedly discuss business with. Anyway, I guess there’s no better way or less awkward way to introduce yourself to the world.

I go by an alias because I want to invite the world into my pool of thoughts and given the career I have followed I thought it would be safer to remain anonymous, however I truly am here to let the world know what my intentions are for starting this blog.

I am a South African black female in her mid twenties. I started this blog as a form of therapy, hoping to conciliate from experiences that have somewhat damaged me and to empart some knowledge about the things I’ve learned along the way.

I had to talk myself into trying this after a friend of mine and my partner asked if I could start this as a form of therapy after the very painful experience I went through. Honestly, I’m already healing and I’m not here to share my problems with the world, nor am I here to complain about the bad day I had and just how I spilled coffee on my favourite white shirt before I left the house for an important meeting. I feel like there’s so much apathy surrounding the world as a whole that it’s not necessary to constantly talk or entertain negative energy. If anything, I’m here to motivate, encourage and pull those that will dedicate their time reading my blog out of their misery. I needed this at my time of despair and I would love to be the go to “guy” for upliftment.

I don’t have all the solutions, I myself am on the road to healing. I’m well on my way to self discovery and I am still seeking inner peace. I will be here, sharing my experiences and what I learned throughout my road to contentment. I would, however, love it if you were also comfortable enough to share your experiences with me and how you overcame your adversities.

My vision for this is to have a sisterhood (guys are welcome too of course) in which we try to find ways and formulas on how to navigate around certain problem areas in our lives. I feel like mid twenties are hella difficult and its easy to fall into depression because of all the things we face. We are all different, and what might seem strenuous to one person, might seem a doodle to the next person. I want to be one to break the barriers between everyone so we can perhaps help each other through those hardships. This is in no way to tell people how to live their lives, take it as a role reversal where you can be agony aunt and at times you will be the one seeking for advice from agony aunt. This is not a place to attack or impose beliefs on others, this is a happy medium for everyone.

With that being said, I welcome everyone to my blog. I hope you will take something valuable from my posts each time you read them!